Difference
by AniZH
Summary: Beck and Jade are back together after their big seperation. Everything could be perfect. But there are small changes in Jade's behaviour that bother Beck. Does Jade even love him anymore?


Hello, my dear readers!  
Finally, here comes another one shot by me. I really have a lot to do at the moment but I'm trying to write as much as I can.  
This one shot came to be because of a review by Ywenn for my one shot Going on dates. It's not exactly what you wanted, but I hope you'll still like it. ;) Thank you in any way for the suggestion!  
Now, please, everyone, enjoy!

* * *

They're back together and he couldn't be happier. Gosh, how much he missed her. How much he missed holding her, touching her, being with her. How much he missed talking to her, making her laugh, venting to her and having her vent to him. How much he missed all the bickering.

He missed everything about her. About her being his girlfriend. Obviously he otherwise still was around her, but not like this.

Now, they're spending much more time with each other, share all those stories at home and glances at school. They touch each other all the time.

Only that they aren't.

After the first two blissful weeks of being back with each other, he notices that it isn't the same between them. And not in a good way. Not everything can stay the same, he knows. They, for example, have to talk to each other way more, especially when they don't feel like it.

But some things should stay the same. They will stay the same. Right?

.

.

They're seeing each other a lot again, which he loves. Just now they're watching TV together, lying on his couch.

He has his arm around her and is enjoying the feeling of her body and warmth against his. That's definitely one of the things he missed very much.

They watch some reality TV. They often do to make fun of all the people there. Yes, they totally enjoy making fun of people together, judging them. Even in real life, though Beck then often keeps Jade from saying out loud all those things, both of them are thinking. He wants to be a polite and friendly person after all – and also doesn't want Jade to offend too many people, to hurt too many people.

They're also making fun of the people in this show and the show in general.

"Gosh, what idiots!" Jade says again just now with a smirk.

"I know," he says because he knows the exact moment that triggered those words. "I can't imagine that's acted."

Sometimes, it totally seems like all these reality shows are truly scripted, because it's just too out there to be real. But right now, he can't believe it.

And Jade knows why: "Because they would be extremely bad actors?"

Nobody can act this badly, right? This must be real because if you would act a scene like this you... would make it seem more real.

It's a strange thought, so Beck's happy that Jade, like always, understands him.

"Yes. Or they must be incredible actors to let it appear this badly. But like... who would?" Who would make it seem so bad on purpose?

Jade looks at him, smirking. "We should try if we're able to do it."

They're both good actors and know it. This could be a challenge. They could film it and see if they get even close to these people in this specific reality show.

"We should," he agrees with a grin. "I have time tomorrow."

Jade's smirk gets wider. She obviously likes that idea.

Gosh, and how much he likes that smirk. He can't help himself, leans forward and kisses her.

She kisses back, but after a while, she pulls away again and looks back to the TV.

There's somewhere a twinge inside of him. This isn't how it usually goes. When they kiss like they just have... she doesn't pull away. And yes, she's now totally leaning into him again, is resting her head back on his shoulder, but... he knows she usually would've kept kissing him. They would've gotten into a heavy make-out session. Because they don't care about the show running, but do get turned on easily by each other. Because when they kiss like they did, they can't help themselves and have to keep going.

Only that she apparently can help herself now. Because she doesn't get turned on by him anymore?

.

.

They even like to lean into each other at school. They often have that freedom in their artistic classes where they don't have tables and can pull their chairs as close as they want. But that doesn't mean they always do that. That always has been true.

So, Beck isn't thinking about it, when Jade and he sit down next to each other in their acting class without touching at all.

A few classmates had to prepare a scene for today which Sikowitz wants to analyze with the class. Beck's sure he will draw some great lessons out of it, even if noone in the class yet knows what he wants to get at.

For now, they have to watch their classmates acting, which isn't that good with these four. No, they aren't bad. But they also aren't especially good. All of them are in this school because they are much better at singing or dancing or alike, Beck knows.

Beck's judging a few of their acting choices in any way and feels the need to exchange those thoughts with Jade. They don't need words for that. Exchanging looks is enough.

But whenever he's looking now, she isn't looking back. He can read in her face that she judges the performance too, but she never returns any look.

When he tries to catch her glance the fourth time and their eyes still don't meet, he feels that twinge again. Why isn't she returning his look? Isn't she thinking about him at all, though they've judged their classmates' performances together so often before?

It unsettles him and he can't help but stare at her, wondering what she's thinking, wondering if she's doing it on purpose or if she doesn't even notice herself that something is off between them.

It's after the scene as they all applaud (both Jade and Beck not very energetic), that she finally notices him staring. She looks at him and mouthes a sharp: "What?"

Does she really not notice that something's wrong?

"Nothing," he answers quietly, shaking his head.

She cocks an eyebrow before turning her attention back to the front. He takes a deep breath before he follows that example.

.

.

They're at the mall together, their group of friends and Trina and a girl Andre recently met and he has a crush on. They're strolling along right now, looking at the different shops, talking about where to go next or if they should split up for a while.

Beck and Jade held hands for a while. Whenever they're walking somewhere together, they're usually touching. Holding hands or with Beck's arm around Jade in some way or form or with Jade having linked arms with Beck.

They're always enjoying each other's touch, even when it's hot outside.

Now, Jade has let go of him for a moment, when she has gotten drawn to an ice cream shop by Cat. Everyone else also quickly joins them to get ice cream, with only Beck hanging back.

Jade also doesn't get herself a cone as she's not in the mood.

She walks back to Beck to wait with him for the others to buy themselves some ice cream cones. And that would totally be the moment, she usually would reach for his hand. Or she would step up so close to him that he naturally would put his arm around her – if she wouldn't take his arm to put it around her herself.

She doesn't now.

After he feels that by now all too familiar twinge in his chest, he tries to reason with himself. He knows he grows too sensitive about this. It's not Jade's job to always reach out for him or alike. It has also come from both of them and nowadays he's waiting more and more for her to come to him.

That's stupid and he knows it.

He reaches out for her, wants to take her hand in his, but that's the moment, Cat calls out for Jade once more.

"Jadey! Are you sure you don't want any ice cream?"

"No," Jade harshly answers, turning in Cat's direction as she does so, and then, she's also drawing her hand back from where Beck just wanted to take it, using it to push back some loose strand of hair out of her face instead.

He tells himself she isn't doing it on purpose. But didn't she see his hand moving? Really?

As soon as they get going again, all of the others happily eating their ice cream, she finally gets back to his side and totally does take his arm and puts it around her. It should soften him. It should ease his mind. But... they just aren't as in sync anymore. She isn't searching for him as much as she did before. She isn't tuned in on him and his feelings so much anymore. She doesn't... want him as much anymore.

She has also barely asked him to tell her he loves her since they've been back together. Because she doesn't care?

.

.

He's driving to her now. She doesn't know he's coming.

He would call everybody else before showing up at their doorstep. His parents taught him that it's impolite to show up like this.

But at the beginning of their relationship, he called every time when he wanted to meet up with Jade, no matter if he wanted to invite her or visit her or meet somewhere else.

She soon told him that she gets annoyed by him checking per phone. If he wants to see her, he should just come over. Which sounded ridiculous to him at the time, because... what if she wouldn't have time or wouldn't be in the mood? Yes, he usually knew when she was home as they always talked about what they would do each day. But that didn't mean she always wanted to spent time, just because she was home, right?

But she told him if he wanted to see her, he should put in that effort. Even if she then decided that she didn't want to spend time with him and he would have to drive home alone again.

Well, that was Jade.

Since he had his driver's licence and his car, he pretty much always drove to her when he wanted to see her. He rarely wanted to visit her at home as her mother and her brother also were often home when they were and they always had more privacy in his RV. So, he mostly came to pick her up. To get to his RV or to spontaneously take her to the movies or alike.

The thing is... She never said no to any of those things. Whenever he came by, she more than willingly came with him. She often took some time to get ready then and needed to inform her mother, but she never said no, no matter what he suggested.

He kind of loved it. He also loved them already planning in school what they would do together for the day. But he enyjoed it just as much to randomly part ways over the day and then just getting to her later that same day and taking her somewhere, anywhere. For her to always be ready for it.

Today, she says no though.

He can't believe it.

Her mother let him and send her through to Jade's room. Jade's lying on her bed and reading and when he asks her to come home with him, she actually says no. Just like that.

And obviously he could ask her if he can stay with her here then or if she wants to come over later or anything. But he can't take this anymore. It irritates him like hell that she... that they aren't like they used to be.

"What's wrong with you?" he can't help but ask.

She has looked back to her book, but now she turns to him again with that threatening look. "What?"

He isn't impressed by her death stare. "Why are you so weird?"

Finally, she sits up as she sharply says: "I don't even know what you're talking about."

She can't be serious! "You always came with me."

"So?"

She has to notice herself. She has to. "So, suddenly you don't want to. Like..." He can't say that she doesn't love him anymore though that's definitely what he's feeling. But what if she agrees? What if she tells him that she indeed doesn't love him anymore? That that's why she... puts some distance between them. He doesn't want that to be true, so he doesn't say anything about them, instead: "This isn't you."

Jade looks at him in irritation. "This is very much me!"

What if it is? But... "Not the Jade from before."

"Before what?" Jade harshly responds. "Our break-up? Yeah, guess what: I realized I'm still my own person. And that I need my space."

So, she's doing it on purpose. Of course, she is.

It hurts badly inside of him and he knows he can't stay. How could he? He doesn't want to talk about this. He doesn't want Jade to say one more word, to hurt him more. Since he knew her, he knew there was only one thing in the world, one person, that could destroy him: It was her.

That's why he only spits out: "Then get your space!" Then, he quickly leaves and runs out of the house, not even telling her mother and her brother, still sitting in the living room, goodbye.

.

He's scared. He's so deeply scared that he feels cold.

He has just gotten her back. He can't loose her again. But what if he never had her back? What if she has fallen out of love with him? There's nothing he could do about it. That thought threatens to suffocate him.

He feels numb and unable to do anything. He wants to distract himself from all of this, instead he's lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling of his RV, all his thoughts revolving around Jade.

An hour passes like that, then there's a sharp knock on the door, before someone tries to open the door, without him calling out. As he locked the door, the person doesn't get in, but they still rattle at the door, before knocking again. Then, there's already Jade's voice: "Open up!"

She sounds angry and he knows why. Because he locked the door and in her opinion it should always be open for her. As if he knows when she comes by and always has to be ready for her.

Anger also flares up inside of him. Because he needs to be angry to not show her how damn scared he is, to not start crying or alike.

He stands up, walks over and opens the door.

"Not needing your own space anymore?" he asks roughly, not bothering with any greeting because she also never does.

Jade narrows her eyes. "What's going on with you?" It doesn't sound concerned, still angry instead.

And he can't keep looking at her. He just can't. Goddamn, does it hurt.

He needs to turn away, and quickly walks inside the RV. He hears Jade following him in and closing the door loudly behind her, while he answers, his voice mocking: "Nothing. Just need my space!"

"I can also leave again," Jade promptly retorts and she really can't be serious. She must know Beck is hurting. She has always been so tuned in on his feelings. At least these kind of feelings. Whenever he felt lost, she was there and knew exactly what to say.

He spins around and no, she isn't on her way out again. Maybe, it was only to provoke him, to make him tell her what's wrong. But maybe, she only waits for one more reaction and then she will leave. What if she'll never come back?

The question runs over his lips before he decides to ask it. He wouldn't have decided to ever ask it, in fear of the answer.

"Do you even love me anymore?"

"Seriously?" Jade directly shoots at him, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

He feels something thick growing in his throat. They look directly into each other's eyes.

"You have to be kidding me, Beck," Jade says after a while, not as angry anymore, more confused.

He still doesn't say anything. How could he? He wants all of this to be over.

And suddenly, Jade's face softens, her arms fall to her sides and she looks at him as if she's seeing a whole other person. "You're serious."

Next, Jade's walking up to him, pushing him to the couch, until he falls back on it. She sits down on top of him, turned to him. Their eyes keep being locked.

Jade's voice is quiet, as she says: "Last night, I didn't think about you at all."

"Great," Beck can't help but snort in disgust. That's what he wanted to hear!

"Let me finish," Jade calls him out viciously, before she continues, softer again: "I read until it was late. They were skiing in my book and one of the friends was murdered there. I still thought about that going to sleep, wondered who would die next and who was the murderer."

Because that's what she does. Beck often read the books she liked best and she then told him what she imagined happening while reading – he always liked her ideas better than what actually happened in the book.

But why is she telling him this right now?

The answer comes promptly, even softer: "I woke up with the thought of you, because that's what I dreamed off: You and me, skiing. You and me, being in that cabin in the snow. You and me."

He feels the warmth spread inside of him and relief flooding him.

Though he kind of has to check: "Was someone murdered?"

She smiles a small smile. "No. It really was just that. And when I woke up, I felt so calm and warm."

He smiles too, much wider. That all he needs to hear to know how much she loves him.

She looks at his smile and then leans down and kisses him. He returns the kiss.

When they break apart again, she quietly asks: "Do you realize how much time we spent together in our relationship?"

They spent almost every free minute together for a few months, before they started fighting so much and then eventually broke up.

"I like that," he honestly said. Them spending time together wasn't the thing that broke them up. Them spending time together was the thing he missed most while being broken up. Just them being with each other.

"I do, too," Jade says. "But during our months apart I grew used to being alone again." He didn't get too used to it. But Jade is so much more independent than he is, always has been.

She confesses: "And I also enjoy that sometimes. I need time to get back to our old relationship. Though... This shouldn't be like our old one. And I'm not sure we'll ever get back to that amount of time, constantly."

Well... Maybe all that time together hasn't always done them good. It's fine not to do that much together, he guesses. They obviously should do some things apart, should spend time alone or with other people without the other one. They shouldn't be... too dependent on each other or anything. Maybe, that was one of the reasons why they broke apart after all. Taking each other for granted after all that time together, having forgotten how much they can miss each other, how much they love each other.

He knows it's not that bad. He also enjoys time alone or just with one of his friends. He doesn't always need Jade around. He was hurt by something else since they've been back together.

"But when we spend time, can we... can you..."

He doesn't even know how to say it, how to ask it. He doesn't know what exactly he expects. He doesn't expect her to touch him all the time when they're around each other or alike. He doesn't expect her to only think about him. But... He can't stand her drawing her hand away when he wants to take it. He can't stand wanting to exchange a look with her and her first not noticing and then almost calling him out for staring at her. He can't stand her... being kind of distant.

He doesn't need to put that into words. She understands. Because she still does get him, she's still tuned in on him.

"I'll try," she says quietly and kisses him sweetly. "You know though that I'd never be your girlfriend if I wouldn't love you, right?"

He knows. Jade wouldn't settle. She isn't one of those people being with someone to not be alone.

Jade kisses him again and he doesn't ever want it to stop. It's perfect. How she sits on top of him, her body so warm against his. Her arms around his neck, loosly and yet clearly holding on to him. Her lips on his, kissing him deeply.

He doesn't think it could get any better and yet, when she breaks apart from him, she does make it even better by gently whispering: "I do love you, Beck. More than before."

He never would've believed it possible, but yes, he also loves her more. Going through their seperation enforced his love for her, deepened it, settled it so deeply in his heart...

"I do, too," he whispers back. "It makes me want to never let go of you again." Literally. He would be happy to stay like this forever, holding her on top of his lap, looking into her eyes. He would be happy to die like this.

She smirks and teases him like she has done so often before, in the privacy of their homes, because nobody else had to know: "You're so needy, Beck."

She kisses him once more, then she asks, looking back into his eyes, already running her hand down his chest over his shirt: "Wanna feel even closer to me?"

She can turn him on, just with that. Just by being suggestive like this.

He pulls her back into a kiss, pressing her even closer to himself now, as if they could melt into each other.

Jade ends up staying the night, letting him spoon her while they sleep. No, not letting him, but making him.

They have weeks in the future in which they spend absurdly much time, but also a lot of weeks in which they don't. Jade does her best to show Beck even during those times that she still loves him – and Beck can handle it much better from then on when Jade doesn't react to his small advances.

They make it work. They love each other after all. A little different than before. With more independence. And still, it's so much deeper.


End file.
